Chapter 4: Derek

"So how do you do it?" said Derek.

"Do what?" said Theo.

"How do you walk through walls?" he said.

"It's nothing," she said.

They were both huddled under a blanket in the back seat of Theo's car parked on an isolated dirt road up on Greyloft. They were both naked under the blanket, and it was cold outside. Perfect snuggling weather! This was maybe the fifth time that their dates had lead to sex, and they were beginning to feel comfortable with each other.

"What do you mean 'It's nothing'?" said Derek. "I was there, remember? I saw you go into the girls restroom then come out of the janitor's closet on the other side of the hall. Then you went back in the janitor's closet and stepped out of the boys restroom. Everyone thought it was funny, but no one could figure out the trick. Are you magic?"

"No, not magic," said Theo. "It's just a thing I could do since I was a kid. I can just imagine myself someplace, and I'm there. It's not useful for much."

"That's impressive," said Derek, trying to decipher if she was telling the truth or joking. "You mean you can go anywhere you want instantly?"

"Essentially yes," said Theo, taking the complication out of it.

"Can I see you do it?" said Derek.

The question took Theo by surprise. It was a very intimate thing he was asking, but they were already intimate, so she felt she had to explain it as best she could.

"No," said Theo. "No one can. It only works when no one is watching. My dad says it has to do with 'intentionality'. No one's consciousness can interfere with my own."

"Your dad? You mean Howard?"

"No, my other dad, Frank. You've never met him. He can do it, too."

"Wow!" said Derek, trying to process it. It didn't make sense, but he trusted Theo and it was clear to him that she was being honest. "Do you mean you can go anywhere on Earth just by thinking about it?"

"Pretty much."

"Where have you been?"

"I've been lots of places with my dad. We've gone to Paris, Tokyo, Nairobi, lots of places. We've been to both the North and South poles."

"What's it like?"

"Cold," said Theo. "Most of these places are way more exciting in your imagination than they are in real life. The North Pole is nothing but an ice field and the South Pole has some buildings, but we didn't go inside."

"Why not?"

"It would freak people out. We don't like to freak people out."

"Whoa!" said Derek, "I would love to freak people out like that! They'd be, like, 'Dude, where did you come from?' and I'd say, 'Just passing through.'"

"Yeah, but there are all sorts of complications. For one thing, it's impossible to get back home if people are watching you."

"So no one has ever seen you jump from place to place?"

"Nope, no one. Not even my dad."

"What if we set up a video camera, so no one sees you do it but the camera does. Then you just play back the video to see what it looks like."

"I've actually tried that. It doesn't work. When the camera is turned on, I can't jump. I can't explain it, but that's another thing you have to think about when you go someplace. You can't have a security camera pointed at you, at least not a working one."

"Wow! This is so wild!" said Derek, clearly excited.

"I guess it is," said Theo. "It's normal for me, and I don't use it very much, but I can see how people could be freaked out by it. Supposedly, I terrorized a babysitter once who couldn't figure out how I got out of my room."

"This is crazy! You can go anywhere!"

"But I don't want to," said Theo, trying to slow him down. "I want to be here with you."

All of a sudden, she felt a wave of panic. It was hard to explain, but she sensed that as he got more excited, she was losing him; their intimacy was slipping away. She nuzzled up against his chin and tried to get him to relax.

"That's nice," said Derek, responding. Then they kissed, and things started getting messy again. Too much saliva was exchanged as hands probed into the forbidden zones.

But then it stopped. It wasn't clear who pulled away first, but there was something wrong, something out of tune. In some subtle way, something important had just changed between them.

They were no longer equal.

"I'd like to travel," said Derek. "Can I come with you?"

"I don't think so," she said.

The way she said it felt to Derek like a slap on the face.

"But when you jump, your clothes go with you, right?"

"Duh!" said Theo. "You don't think I'm going to show up someplace naked, do you?"

Again, her tone made him feel small.

"So maybe I could just wrap myself around you and pretend I'm your clothes."

"As long as you're conscious, it's not going to work."

"Well, then maybe I can be unconscious," said Derek. He draped himself around her and pretended to fall asleep.

He was getting needy and clingy, and Theo felt uncomfortable. She pushed him away. "No, dummy, it's not going to work."

"Darn! I'd be happy just to fly in a plane to someplace like Paris. It sounds so exciting."

"I know it sounds exciting, but it isn't when you get there. Paris is just a city like any other. The streets are narrower, and the language is different, and they've got a few different rules for things, but the people are pretty much the same. They got supermarkets and McDonalds restaurants. You get used to it really fast."

"I've been in a plane only twice in my life. The furthest I've ever been from home is when my mom and I went looking at colleges last month."

"Traveling isn't a big thing," said Theo. "The most important things are the same everywhere."

"Yeah, but I'd like to see for myself. I've seen foreign countries on TV and read about them in books, but that's not the same as being there."

"You'll go places. You can do it on spring break and summer vacation. There are all sorts of exchange programs and low airfares for students. Wherever you go, I can come visit you."

"Yeah, but I can't just close my eyes and go wherever I want like you can."

"It's not a big thing," she assured him.

It was almost midnight, and it was time to go. It wasn't actually time to go--They had stayed out long past midnight before.--but Theo said it was time. They put on their clothes and threw the used condoms in the bushes.

They didn't have much to say on the drive back to town. Theo asked Derek to drive because she wanted him to be in charge, because she could tell he was feeling jealous. She could do something he couldn't, and that made him feel inferior.

"Slow down!" said Theo as they came down the switchback curves from Greyloft.

"Sorry," said Derek, as he braked to a crawl.

Now she wanted to tell him to speed up, but she kept quiet. Anything she said would only further humiliate him, so for the rest of the way home she kept her thoughts to herself.

It's a funny thing, love. Books and movies don't really tell you anything about it. Earlier that evening, Theo thought she would be spending forever with Derek, but now she wasn't sure. Now they seemed a million miles apart, even though nothing had physically changed. They didn't have a fight. They didn't disagree. They were the same two people who drove up to the summit, but on the drive down they were completely out of sync.

Was their love over? Should they break up? Then who would Theo go to the Prom with? Who else would take any interest in her? Cheerleaders might get to pick and choose their boyfriends, but freaks don't have that luxury. Maybe you only get one shot at love for your entire life and if you blow it you're alone forever.

No, Theo thought, Derek just needed time. She would carefully avoid any further discussion of her abilities until Derek was ready. She would let him set their pace. Theo knew she had an unfair advantage, so she wouldn't use it. This wasn't just for Derek's benefit but her own. Jumping was cheating. It wasn't playing the game of life fairly.

Back when she was little, Theo gained a reputation for being unbeatable at hide and seek. She would go into a closet and wish herself into a neighbor's shed two doors down. The other kids couldn't find her, and game after game, she "won". But then what happened? Eventually they stopped looking! One time, when she willed herself back into the closet and opened the door, no one was there. All the kids had left. They abandoned her.

That was because she cheated. She shouldn't have used a skill that none of the other kids had. She felt so ashamed that the next time they played hide and seek, she went into the closet and stayed there. She even opened the door a bit to make sure she was found. She didn't jump because she now knew it wasn't fair.

That was essentially the problem with her and Derek. By talking about her skills, she had given herself an unfair advantage. Of course Derek was going to feel inadequate; who wouldn't? She should have kept quiet. She should have left it as a magic trick. If she wanted her relationship with Derek to last, if she wanted to live a normal life in the real world, she would have to forego her skills. That's what love is all about, right? You have to be willing to make sacrifices.

They got back into town and Derek drove them to his house. With the engine still running, they both got out of the car, and in front of it they met and kissed.

"That's a really neat skill you have," said Derek, holding her in his arms. "You can do so many things with it."

"It's nothing," said Theo. "It's just a trick. I can't do it all the time. If I really want to go someplace, I'd rather take a plane."

"It doesn't matter to me," said Derek. "All that matters is that you love me."

"I do love you," said Theo, wondering as she said it what that really meant.

"I love you, too," said Derek. They kissed again, said their goodbyes, and he went into his house.

She got into the driver's seat of her car and readjusted the seat. Then she readjusted the rearview mirror and the electric side mirrors.

When you're in love, you have to make adjustments.

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