| #10: | It's been a while, but I'd like to bring back Austin Powers for a 4th installment. Austin's okay, but I REALLY miss Dr. Evil. |
| #105: | Caffeine doesn't really give you energy. It steals it! It takes your own energy away from you and gives it back only when you shoot up. |
| #107: | Is life real or a virtual reality video game? Doesn't matter. It's the only game there is, so you might as well play it. |
| #114: | It seems 1% of the risks in life get 99% of the publicity. Mobilizing for these unlikely threats may distract us from the real ones. |
| #167: | We are all aliens here. One morning we woke up on this strange planet, in a body we didn't choose, living with a really bizarre family. - #existentialism |
| #181: | Americans' obsession with Stuff may harm the planet, but the real damage is internal - how all this excess weight drags you down personally. |
| #191: | In Frankfurt they have REAL Customs: no bags searched and not a single question asked. |
| #195: | It's really disturbing to walk through a field in Germany and feel the crunch, crunch, crunch of snails under your feet. All the death! |
| #220: | #followfriday - @Andy__Rooney I don't know if this is the "real" Andy Rooney, but it's irrelevant: He's got the A.R. shtick down pat! |
| #234: | Twitter gives you a chance to see what celebrities are really made of: fluff! |
| #249: | The beverage industry thrives because its markup is huge: 2 cents worth of ingredients become a $2 soft drink. No real food can beat that. |
| #250: | What, exactly, are "drinkability", "refreshment" and "thirst-quenching"? Aren't they really masks for alcohol and caffeine addiction? |
| #251: | What most people interpret as "thirst" is really a craving for caffeine. Your body doesn't need the liquid; your brain just wants the drug. |
| #259: | On the whole, technology doesn't really solve problems; it only redistributes them. |
| #276: | You can't sing the same song over and over with real feeling. Only the first few times are genuine; it's acting after that. |
| #294: | Boredom is an attitude, not a real emotion. It reflects your own refusal to make creative use of the time available to you. |
| #313: | Bad faith, practiced over time, eats you up inside and twists you into a scheming villain in a black hat with a cackling laugh. Really! |
| #330: | Loneliness is an absence of contact with others, but it's compounded by a lack of mission, which others can't really provide. |
| #356: | There is a certain satisfaction in watching gays make all the same relationship mistakes as heteros. Nothing really changes. |
| #359: | When we hurt someone else it's called guilt. When we hurt ourselves it's regret. Same thing really. |
| #377: | Kathmandu, that's where I'm really really going to. (If I ever get out of here.) |
| #410: | The law is necessary, but so is subversion of it. At some point you have to set it aside and analyse the real affects of your actions. |
| #416: | Is it really "green" to spend twice as much for a hybrid car that uses only slightly less gas? You could plant trees with the money! |
| #432: | A relationship cannot truly grow unless there is the realistic option to withdraw and renegotiate. |
| #463: | South Park doesn't really satirize the Joseph Smith story; it just recounts it. The story is self-satirizing! http://bit.ly/ZATTg |
| #469: | When the captain says what a pleasure it was to serve me on this flight, does he really mean it, or is he just faking? |
| #489: | Real hunger comes from a drop in blood sugar. False hunger is a psychological desire for food without the drop. You have to distinguish. |
| #498: | Religion is not real morality but a fake substitute. It means you don't have the courage to make your own moral choices. |
| #499: | Most people obsessed with fantasy adventures - scifi, video games, etc - would never consider real ones, like travel. |
| #536: | Up here in the northern latitudes, you got to get your biological activity done real quick before winter closes in again. |
| #558: | Governments are incompetent at raising children because they cannot make the creative compromises that real parents make every day. |
| #570: | For camping in desert, you need only sleeping bag, tarp, air mattress, air pump. You can camp almost anywhere. No real dangers. |
| #579: | Let's be honest here: The bear shape has no real relevance to the flavor of the Gummi Bear. |
| #632: | "Packratting" is the human tendency to stockpile resources even when they are not realistically needed. With mental illness, it gets worse. |
| #638: | You don't realize how boring sex can be until you've seen "Real Sex" on HBO. |
| #644: | People would rather improve their lives through product acquisition than make real effective changes. |
| #646: | If you look too closely at show biz you'll see it's all fake. Real life, with all its warts, is far more entertaining. |
| #648: | Convertibles are ridiculous. Do you really want the wind in your face and the sun beating down on your head? |
| #660: | You can't really tell the truth until you learn to lie. |
| #668: | The female figures, "Wow, if this guy can waste so much on his fancy car, he must really be rich and powerful." |
| #699: | No one cries for the "poor little rich kids" but their adjustment to real life can be difficult and traumatic. |
| #714: | No matter what you read on the internet about reality, you have to experience it non-virtually to know what it's all about. |
| #716: | Real estate is so 20th Century. It's totally unnecessary in the 21st. |
| #778: | Once you see what is really going on in the world around you, life becomes bittersweet. There is no simple happiness. - #existentialism |
| #793: | One of the highest compliments you can pay someone is to say they have "no ego", although you are really saying the opposite. |
| #794: | When a product promises to "kill 99% of all bacteria", it's really breeding stronger bacteria (the 1% that survive). |
| #799: | People are asking the wrong question about UFOs: "Are they real?" The more important issue is: "Are they relevant?" I say no. |
| #813: | "Pleasure may come from illusion, but happiness can come only of reality." - Chamfort via @linkibol |
| #816: | It feels good to be respected by others but only when you're respected for who you really are, not who you pretend to be. |
| #831: | It's really pathetic when southern European women try to turn blonde. It becomes a "muddy blonde" that just doesn't work. |
| #861: | Art without a function in real life is merely egotism. |
| #868: | All that really matters in music is the sound that comes into your ears. Everything else is musical bullshit. |
| #883: | LA Times: Life inside the Irvine bubble http://bit.ly/4uB9vK - Low crime, but totally isolated from the real world. |
| #894: | My favorite term from the Bush years: "moral clarity". Such a thing does not exist in the real world. |
| #895: | In fundamentalist religion, what is billed as "trust in God" is really just trust in the word of other people. |
| #897: | Michael, Elvis, Whitney, Britney, Madonna - they must be deep and wise because their songs are good. Get real! |
| #918: | Do you take this man/woman as your lawfully wedded spouse, to clean up after, to make excuses for, to protect from reality, 'til death...? |
| #929: | The best relationships start with "I really like your work." If you can say it in both directions, you might be onto something. |
| #950: | People will obsess over some trivial contributor to health-like organic food-while ignoring their own bad habits that will really kill them. |
| #974: | Real estate is so 20th Century. It just isn't relevant to the 21st. Those who are invested in real estate are entrenched in the past. |
| #982: | Attention old people: Please clip your protruding nose and ear hair. It will make you seem connected to the real world. |
| #995: | You can study the theory of something, but you have to interact with its reality before you truly understand. |
| #1003: | What most people take for "thirst" is really an addict's craving for caffeine. Bodily fluid levels are fine. |
| #1060: | You may be able to control your public image while alive, but when you die the mask will fall and you'll be seen for who you really were. |
| #1066: | The American Dream is supposedly home ownership, but people don't realize when they enter the dream how quickly it can turn to a nightmare. |
| #1068: | What space do you really need to live in? The optimum of economy is an 8 by 8-foot box, like an officer's cabin in a Navy ship. |
| #1070: | This is all one really needs in life: an 8x8-foot box. PHOTO: http://bit.ly/VVajT (I could do without the roommate, though.) |
| #1096: | It's another old grudge, but were Hiroshima and Nagasaki really necessary? Talk about a Holocaust! |
| #1108: | Traveling light requires some real-world experience. You need to learn what you need and what you don't. |
| #1118: | "Really? You'd hammer in the morning, the evening, and all over this land? I see why no one will give you a hammer!" -- MRT @timcarvell |
| #1128: | Relationships are damaging when they disrupt an individual's direct negotiation with outside reality. |
| #1140: | Sadly, the concept of "nude" is usually more exciting in theory than in reality. |
| #1158: | Life can be described as "negotiation with reality". You arrive on this planet with a set of needs and start bargaining to fill them. - #existentialism |
| #1162: | In any art, there is real creativity and fake creativity -- which is mimicking the sound and fury of creativity without saying anything. |
| #1163: | Any art that doesn't teach you something about life isn't really art but noise and isn't worth the effort to take in. |
| #1164: | Real artists are rare. They are far outnumbered by pseudo-artists who know a medium but have nothing to say in it. |
| #1197: | Art, in the real world, is the realm of narcissists, most of whom can't see beyond their own needs to the needs of the art itself. |
| #1208: | When you tell a lie, you commit yourself to two sets of books: the real accounting and the fake one. The problem is keeping them straight. - #lying |
| #1222: | Crime is a real threat, but the damage it does is usually dwarfed by what we do to ourselves through our own foolish actions. |
| #1224: | Crime is a real threat, but the damage it does is usually dwarfed by what we do to ourselves through our own foolish actions. |
| #1226: | Life is full of "Duh!" moments when you realize, "Things would have been so much easier had I only known that before!" |
| #1232: | District 9: Wikus is a totally fresh and daffy anti-hero hero, a take on real bureaucrats everywhere. - #movies |
| #1235: | Just because a TV show is called a "documentary" doesn't mean it bears any relation to reality. Think of it as "truth-based fiction". |
| #1236: | Just because a TV show is called a "documentary" doesn't mean it bears any resemblance to reality. Think of it as "truth-based fiction". |
| #1256: | Music has a hold on the nervous system that isn't always healthy. Instead of doing real things, you have an iPod in your ear. |
| #1291: | In the real world, there will always be a gap between what the rule books say and what is actually enforced. Life is lived in that space! |
| #1335: | "Insight" is when you finally understand the real reasons for your own actions. No one can give it to you; you have to find it yourself. |
| #1375: | One of the biggest puzzles of life is trying to figure out the family we grew up in and how it really works. |
| #1382: | A fundamental human conflict is separating appearance from operational quality -- what looks nice from what really works. |
| #1388: | I have no real desire to travel more than 299,792,458 meters per second, but the fact that I've been banned from doing so still irks me. |
| #1393: | Everyone is always talking "megabyte" this and "gigabyte" that. No one ever remembers the real base unit of digital memory: the lowly bit. |
| #1401: | Among the animals, our closest relative is really the dog. We are eager to please, loyal to a fault and willing to follow others anywhere. |
| #1402: | If psychic phenomena are real, it is clear they are an unreliable tool for interacting with the world. |
| #1421: | The world is full of crap because crap has a higher profit margin than things you really need. |
| #1445: | Real men don't use sunscreen. A simple hat will do. |
| #1498: | Photography is a fraud that distorts reality to serve the photographer's aims, yet it's the medium people are least skeptical about. |
| #1524: | If you trust in God and human authority, you're going to be blindsided by the world because you didn't understand what was really going on. |
| #1566: | Before you fight for equal rights as an oppressed minority, you should evaluate whether the prize is really worth fighting for. |
| #1574: | Anyone can surround themselves with the tools and technical skills of an artistic medium. Very few are capable of real creativity there. |
| #1647: | There is no safe harbor. Anything you think is safety is really just a prison. The most you can hope for is safe enough for now. |
| #1650: | The Ft. Hood rampage illustrates what I've been saying all along: The real killer isn't stress but stress counselors! |
| #1657: | Anything you think guarantees permanent security is really just a prison in disguise. |
| #1658: | There are no permanently safe harbors. Anything you think guarantees lifelong security is really just a prison in disguise. |
| #1675: | I'm not afraid to admit it: I like gluten! Big globs of sticky gluten! With extra butter on it! Real butter! |
| #1687: | Viruses and bacteria are real, but "germs" were invented by advertising because they can be portrayed by cartoon characters. |
| #1704: | Real security lies not in locks or guns but in knowledge of your surroundings. |
| #1713: | Buy this book from Amazon while you still can: "The Leadership Genius of George W. Bush". For real! |
| #1724: | UFOs may be real, but they're not relevant. |
| #1726: | Psychic phenomena may be real, but they're not reliable. They are too easy to confuse with wishful thinking. |
| #1736: | Many of the beliefs that are presented as "New Age" are really a mask for mental illness. |
| #1755: | In Ireland, most language on the street that you think is Irish Gaelic is really just English, all slurred up by a few too many! |
| #1758: | The danger of comfort is that you're lulled into repetitive activity and lose the incentive for real creativity. |
| #1771: | First MTV lost its music. Then History Channel did UFOs. Now Cartoon Network has gone "real". http://bit.ly/7lFWm4 - Scooby Doo, Where R U? |
| #1840: | Global warming is real, but that doesn't mean governments have the power to stop it. The damage has already been done! |
| #1870: | All good fiction involves some form of magic. Things will happen that are impossible in real life, but the resolution must be real. |
| #1891: | Trapped in the dual prison of real estate and children. When things go bad, there can be noplace more harrowing! |
| #1900: | The majority of people will use their excess resources to reinforce repetitive behavior and avoid any real change or accomplishment. |
| #1929: | The real measure of wealth is not how much money you make but the freedom you have left after expenses. |
| #1962: | Of all the ways you can sell your soul to the devil, reality TV is the most insidious. |
| #1983: | Most online relationships were never meant to be non-virtual. Reality adds a new level of complication and not necessarily any benefit. |
| #1994: | "Raising awareness" on the internet ain't worth the ether it's printed on. All that matters is substantial action in the real world. |
| #2000: | "If you want to feel good about yourself, but avoid any real work or results, try prayer." @almightygod |
| #2011: | "Is it really 'self help' if it's some guy in a video telling you what to do?" @CynicalNihilist |
| #2028: | "You spend your childhood thinking otherwise when really, adulthood consists of bullshitting and knowing just enough to get by." @katefeetie |
| #2057: | There is no easy childhood. Either you are traumatized by reality too early or blindsided by it later. |
| #2060: | The only real solutions to people's prtoblems come from outside the law. Often, the noblest thing the law can do is stand aside. |
| #2062: | The only real solutions to people's problems come from outside the law. Often, the noblest thing the law can do is stand aside. |
| #2063: | Most of what is called "food" in modern mass marketing is really "pseudo food", enticing consumption but providing little nutrition. |
| #2089: | When the flight crew says what a pleasure it was to serve me on this flight, do they really mean it or are they just faking? |
| #2090: | When someone says, "How are you?" you are supposed to reply, "Fine, thanks." No one really wants to know about your problems. |
| #2116: | If you have more money than others, you should hide it. Otherwise, it will isolate you from reality and cut you off from your fellow man. |
| #2146: | Used to be a fan of @johncmayer until I realized how trite and meaningless his lyrics are. Waitin' on the world to change? That's "apathy"! |
| #2164: | Pity the poor actor, forever a phony. Instead of accomplishing real things himself, he pretends to do them as someone else. |
| #2186: | You never know what a person is really like until after the honeymoon. |
| #2215: | Are UFOs real? The more important question is, Are they relevant? I say No! http://bit.ly/XWqSM |
| #2216: | When a man buys real estate he starts building his own tomb. |
| #2228: | If you're gonna sell shit, it has to be new shit, not old shit. No one wants old shit, unless it's really, really old historic shit. - Facebook Comments |
| #2233: | When a paranoiac sees an imaginary threat, he may "defend himself" aggressively. The world responds, and the threat becomes real! |
| #2261: | A Coney Island of the mind is usually better than the real thing. |
| #2269: | You have matured in social media when you accept an essential truth: No one really wants to know what you are doing. They want content. |
| #2276: | The major neutralizers of freedom are marriage, children, debt, real estate, possessions, pets and promises. |
| #2314: | Current reality is irrelevant to the brain as long as it is pursuing a compelling vision. |
| #2328: | On my bucket list: Get really fat and use an electric scooter, park in handicap spaces and demand special attention for my "disability". |
| #2331: | There are no morally pure positions, only compromises between imperfect real-world alternatives. |
| #2345: | The ultimate test of any philosophy is the consequences it leads to in the real world. |
| #2383: | Your first marriage expresses your idealism to others. Your second is grounded in reality and is just for you. |
| #2389: | Tooloosahoochee, Florida. Not a real town, but it should be. |
| #2401: | The ultimate test of morality is what really works. |
| #2427: | What is the meaning of life? Reality gives you problems, and you do your best to solve them. You need no more meaning than that. |
| #2482: | "Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced." Kierkegaard. WRONG! We experience reality by solving life's problems. |
| #2483: | Life is the process of solving the problems reality presents to you. |
| #2490: | I credit formal education with less than 1% of my knowledge. The rest I taught myself or was imposed on me by real experience. |
| #2514: | For many, mathematics is a drug as powerful as cocaine, luring them from reality into the illusion of perfection. |
| #2515: | Benford's Law: In any set of numbers from the real world, numbers beginning with digits 1 or 2 are far more likely than 8 or 9. Weird! |
| #2523: | Life is an imperfect negotiation with reality that rarely let's us achieve any theoretical ideal. |
| #2533: | Self-deprecating humor may seem charming at first, but it's usually just an excuse to avoid any real change. |
| #2542: | The trouble with superheroes in real life is they fly into a problem expecting to save people but end up becoming part of the problem. |
| #2546: | Any option you can't have seems better than the one you have, because the unavailable one isn't constrained by reality. |
| #2560: | "Passion is inversely proportional to the amount of real information available." —Gregory Benford |
| #2576: | The other side of worship is paranoia. In both cases, you are seeing the object of your attention as capable of more than he really is. |
| #2622: | Life is full of "Duh!" moments when you realize you've been doing things the hard way. It was so simple, if only you could have seen. |
| #2654: | Pain is real, but pleasure is in the eye of the beholder. Only one thing is undeniably pleasurable: relief from pain. |
| #2710: | Hubris is thinking, when a roll of the dice favors you, that the dice really care. |
| #2731: | Become a college professor. Every semester you get a new batch of fawning students who won't have time to realize how full of shit you are. |
| #2792: | The real coin of life is not money but time. It is getting more valuable by the minute, and when it is gone your money will be useless. |
| #2798: | One of the ways people try to declare their identity is by making up dietary restrictions for themselves. Not the same as real identity. |
| #2827: | Health care emotions: No one should suffer from a treatable disease. The reality: There will never be enough resources to treat everyone. |
| #2834: | There will always be people who subjugate their lives to real estate. That doesn't mean it's right for you. |
| #2852: | What's really inside the secret Vatican archives? Bullshit! Century after century of utter bullshit. |
| #2855: | Narcissism is the delusion that the world exists "for me". Few will escape from it and see the world for what it really is. |
| #2870: | If you aren't flirting with depression, you should question whether you're really alive. |
| #2882: | "Very little is included. All the stuff we really want is extra." @TheBosha - But the extras we want rarely improve our lives. |
| #2895: | That "Til Death Do You Part" shit is really scary! Shouldn't it be illegal on the grounds that no one can see that far ahead? |
| #2931: | Should is really be called a PDA or more properly a PED — Personal Enslavement Device? |
| #2937: | History makes you realize all the amazing things done by dead people. |
| #2957: | All you really need in life is the basic product that gets the job done. You don't need the add-ons and garnishes, which only make you fat. |
| #2994: | The "simple life" isn't really simple if it involves a ton of obligations, like mowing the hay, cleaning the barn and feeding the animals. |
| #3022: | In truth, you can never really "own" anything. You can only "rent". |
| #3023: | Europe is full of old shit, which Americans think is special. Really, though, it's just ordinary shit that got old. |
| #3047: | The main thing people are hiding when they jealously guard their privacy is just how boring their lives really are. |
| #3048: | How interesting a person is in real life is inversely proportional to the number of Facebook privacy features they have turned on. |
| #3083: | Objects can't really make you happy. Only achievements can. Objects are valuable only when they help you achieve something important. |
| #3095: | The real measure of wealth is not your income but how much freedom you have left after expenses. |
| #3114: | Giving people too much money is like giving them cocaine. They detach from reality, lose incentive and rely on it for all their highs. |
| #3156: | Dreams come in a million flavors. Then reality dashes them and gives you only one. |
| #3179: | When we say someone has a "big ego" we really mean the opposite: their ego is so weak that they can accept no contrary information. |
| #3187: | Reporting from Texas: A real cowboy hat is made from cow. What you're wearing there, son, is a nice sun hat made of straw. |
| #3191: | sports — n. a system of artificial conflict intended to placate the masses, absorb their energy and keep them from any real accomplishment. |
| #3215: | To be appreciated fully, you really need to be dead. |
| #3221: | In the real world, every "solution" creates new problems, sometimes worse than the original one. |
| #3224: | Life's fundamental trauma is the transition from the artificial order of childhood to the chaos of the real world. None of us is prepared! |
| #3267: | Someone whose home is a museum is not really living life, merely curating it. |
| #3283: | On my bucket list: Write a catchy but meaningless slogan for a major advertising campaign selling a product no one really needs. |
| #3303: | World's most powerful metaphor: Do you take the red pill and see things as they really are or the blue pill and go back to your delusion? |
| #3361: | Failed romances are one of life's great classrooms. You learn how people really work and how fantasy differs from fact. |
| #3384: | The law doesn't really solve problems, merely redistributes them. Only human judgment, rooted in the moment, can solve problems. |
| #3460: | The Mighty Oz must have realized that the people want an infallible mystical being to tell them what to do, hence the smoke and flames. |
| #3482: | A person's explanation for their own behavior is usually a sham, being concocted after the fact because the real reason is unacceptable. |
| #3495: | Married couples are conjoined in two major areas — real estate and child rearing — both of which are easily conducted without marriage. |
| #3500: | You can't own real estate. It owns you. |
| #3505: | There will always be a difference between theory and reality. Plans never turn out quite as expected. The wise can adjust. The unwise can't. |
| #3506: | Given there are millions of "germs" on every surface, the real issue is the health of your immune system, not how much Lysol™ you use. |
| #3572: | Life, in fact, may be a holographic projection, but since it's the best reality we have, we must live it as though it was real. |
| #3574: | "Consumer confidence" should not be confused with happiness, which may improve as people realize, "Hey, we don't need this stuff anyway!" |
| #3580: | You can make a pseudo-life by monitoring the news and commenting on it online, but that's not the same as having a real life of your own. |
| #3601: | What we often take for symbiosis is really just parasite and host. |
| #3609: | Do you realize that if Elvis were alive today he'd probably be dead? |
| #3623: | Utopias, in the real world, almost always turn into prisons. |
| #3655: | Kant really should be spelled "Can't" because if you followed his rules nothing would get done. |
| #3740: | Sometimes the sky really is falling, in which case Henny Penny would be best advised to short-sell the market rather than telling everyone. |
| #3741: | NEW! At your supermarket now! Junk Food Throwback Editions. Made with REAL sugar, REAL fat and REAL salt! |
| #3770: | The trouble with most people my age is they've gotten really, really old. They've gone from "Anything is possible" to "Nothing is possible." |
| #3806: | Too many pointless family arguments start, "I don't like your attitude." All that really matters is: "Did you do what you said you would?" |
| #3817: | A raised voice is sometimes useful to get things done, but real anger almost always makes matters worse. |
| #3842: | Photos and videos don't merely record reality; they create it. |