| #48: | The Onion: "God Makes Surprise Visit To Local Church" http://bit.ly/ugVNX - Nothing so disrupts religion! |
| #80: | Common addictions: drugs, alcohol, cigs, caffeine, TV, video games, music, shopping, sports, sex, porn, religion, travel, food, love... |
| #109: | The rules of life come from life itself, from what you see and experience. You don't need a god to tell you what works and what doesn't. |
| #171: | Thank God for delusional thinking, bad planning, alcohol and failed condoms. Without them, there might be no mothers. |
| #218: | Religion, like other addictions, is the enemy of self-responsibility. |
| #302: | The philosophy of EXISTENTIALISM says the answers to life's questions come from life itself, not from any outside authority (God, etc.) |
| #310: | Will there be a reward in Heaven? Don't count on it. You do good on this planet because it makes sense, not because of what God might do. |
| #318: | So where did life come from? Did God make it? I don't know, but it's irrelevant. All that matters is what you do, what you choose. - #existentialism |
| #378: | I'm enjoying my first-ever gay nightclub (in Reno). Actually my first-ever NIGHTCLUB! Thank God I brought my handy-dandy foam earplugs! |
| #407: | The law is a religion like any other, with its blind assumptions. If you're a lawyer, you have to believe, because you're a priest. |
| #417: | Atheists are boring. LA Times http://bit.ly/fRApW - "atheists are intent on proving that God not only doesn't exist but is evil to boot." |
| #449: | What happened to the gold tablets written in Reformed Egyptian after Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon from them? God took em back! |
| #452: | If you're starting a new religion, the best thing that can happen is to be persecuted. You can play the victim for millennia! |
| #453: | Paranoia is essential to sustaining any religion. There has to be the sense that the rest of the world is out to get us. |
| #485: | I love being cornered by Mormon missionaries or Jehovah's Witnesses. I start preaching to them, and soon THEY'RE squirming to get away! - #religion |
| #498: | Religion is not real morality but a fake substitute. It means you don't have the courage to make your own moral choices. |
| #516: | When people don't have adequate witnesses, they invent them. God is one. Conspiracies are another. |
| #652: | Thank God for the breeders, people willing to put their lives on hold for 20 years to propagate our species. Without them where would we be? |
| #769: | Music isn't just music. It's our worldwide religion! |
| #820: | When Satan comes to Earth, he usually appears as a man of God. |
| #884: | "Self-Proclaimed Prophet Blames God" for sex charges (Las Vegas) http://bit.ly/10sBmQ - Just your run-of-the-mill neighborhood cult leader. |
| #895: | In fundamentalist religion, what is billed as "trust in God" is really just trust in the word of other people. |
| #924: | So Jesus was born of the Virgin Mary, but Mary was married to Joseph. Does that mean married people didn't have sex back then? |
| #971: | Religion is just another way of saying, "I am not responsible for what happens to me." |
| #1024: | It can be a great ego boost to know you chose the right religion and that God loves you the best. Lucky you! |
| #1339: | Why do we have to say, "God Bless America" -- or God Bless anything? Doesn't He know what to do without our advice? |
| #1403: | The biggest cosmic joke of all would be that there is a God but He doesn't give a shit about you. |
| #1450: | If you think you need religion to make sense of your life, so be it. Just don't go around thinking you're God's chosen one. |
| #1476: | The biggest cosmic joke of all would be that there is a God but He isn't listening to your prayers and couldn't care less about you. |
| #1524: | If you trust in God and human authority, you're going to be blindsided by the world because you didn't understand what was really going on. |
| #1561: | Religion sucks! There's nothing like a visit to Jerusalem - the crossroads of religion - to renew my faith in the stupidity of ALL of them! |
| #1568: | All religions require an enemy to keep faith alive. Muslims and Jews need each other, and Christians never forget being thrown to the lions. |
| #1609: | New photo album: Jesus Christ is Lord Travel Center, Amarillo, Texas. http://bit.ly/4ijpNz |
| #1649: | The root of religion isn't so much faith in God but faith that other people know more about God than you do. |
| #1722: | Here's today's script: You're thankful for X, Y & Z. You pray for our troops overseas. You say "God Bless America!" Now eat. |
| #1728: | Americans like to thank God for the things they stole from others. It's much easier than thanking, say, the Native Americans. |
| #1729: | People credit God for their good fortune so they don't have to think about who they hurt to obtain it. |
| #1958: | The only difference between a "cult" and a "religion" is how long it has been practiced. |
| #2069: | People who believe that God is with them usually get themselves into god-awful messes. |
| #2070: | Religion is one opiate of the masses. Another is humor. |
| #2091: | A godsend to obsessive-compulsives: the automatic toilet seat cover! http://bit.ly/7PCAtd - Seen at O'Hare Airport. |
| #2196: | If you're Christian and you sin, but you repent later, God will forgive you. Doesn't this give you permission to sin right now? |
| #2236: | Thank God for breeders! Without them, our species would have perished long ago. Now, how do we get them to stop? |
| #2287: | Religion is the place you turn when you have given up trying to solve your own problems. |
| #2335: | It seems presumptuous to say "God Bless America" or "God Save the Queen". Shouldn't He already know what to do without your advice? |
| #2347: | Consumers assume that something sealed in a pretty plastic package is somehow pure, but some god-awful things can come in those packages. |
| #2368: | Religion, like other addictions, is the enemy of self-responsibility. |
| #2388: | Oxymoron alert: "Christian existentialism" (The core idea of existentialism is that you don't need a God to tell you what to do.) |
| #2399: | In Florida, live-tweeting alligator biting off my arm. Guess what guys?! I have a new tweeting hand! (Thank God it didn't get my B'berry!) |
| #2402: | If God had intended us to have more than 140 characters, He would have given us Google Buzz. |
| #2434: | Sex is another religion. People want absolutes, and sex seems universal. Faith works until the urge fades and they panic. Viagra! |
| #2436: | When you want your senses dulled and escape from responsibility for your current problems, religion is there for you. |
| #2437: | Religion is the alcohol of the heavens. |
| #2440: | Doesn't it seem a little presumptuous to pray to God and ask him to do stuff? Shouldn't He know the right thing to do without our advice? |
| #2484: | Photo: "Jesus and the 12 Disciples" http://bit.ly/9NhSKd - Taken today along Interstate 80 in Wyoming. |
| #2574: | You never want to marry someone who worships you as a god, because your powers of rescue will never match their expectations of it. |
| #2656: | I don't believe in God but act like I do. It's the best of both worlds! |
| #2692: | Religion isn't just a belief in God but in certain social policies, taken on faith, that limit the ways you can solve your problems. |
| #2708: | God was invented to serve the ego of man. |
| #2771: | Now in Amarillo passing the Jesus Christ Is Lord truck stop. Photos from 2009: http://roamingphotos.com/a?jesus |
| #2788: | The primary function of religion is to make you feel comfortable with the decisions you have already made. |
| #2795: | Atheism itself is a religion, based on assumptions taken on faith. How do you know there's no God? Agnostic is better: We just don't know. |
| #2804: | @YouGoChavez "I respectfully disagree... atheism is not religion, it is the antithesis to religion." So how do you prove there is no God? |
| #2868: | God is a crutch for people who have nothing else to go on. |
| #2896: | Let us honor the Ancient Ones, our elders who came upon this land and built great monuments to the gods of Fast Food and Retail Sales. |
| #2924: | My mom/dad/country/religion is the best one in the whole world! One of the great traumas in life is discovering it ain't so. |
| #2956: | I've learned to stop being angry when Facebook "fixes" things that weren't broken, thereby breaking more things. You have to trust in God! |
| #3046: | Ain't it amazing how the religion you were born into just happens to be the right one. That's the magic of faith! |
| #3068: | The trouble with being God is that when people start having faith in You, they stop taking responsibility for their own problems. |
| #3085: | Macintoshism — a religion that contends you can change the world merely by choice of computers. Believers willing to endure great hardship. |
| #3092: | The function of religion is to give false meaning to those without the courage to change. |
| #3105: | The biggest cosmic joke of all would be that God exists but He couldn't care less about us. We would be alone after all! |
| #3106: | The ants must see us as gods. They can't fathom why we step on them, but they must figure it's part of our cosmic plan. |
| #3214: | The trouble with being a god or superhero is that people will eventually expect more of you than you're capable of. |
| #3270: | Catholic Church — cult known for its inquisitions, crusades, breeding of pedophiles and opposition to birth control, all in the name of God. |
| #3271: | The only difference between a "cult" and a "religion" is the number of members. |
| #3276: | "Art is a collaboration between God and the artist, and the less the artist does, the better." - Andréide via @tweetsayings |
| #3281: | Only those without morality need a God to give it to them. |
| #3326: | If God hadn't given us religion, man would have made it up. Lucky we got God's version. Now, God, which religion is the best. Ours, right? |
| #3341: | Elvis, we love you! You were a pathetic wretch when alive, but now that you're dead, you're our god! (Best career move he ever made.) |
| #3365: | The world's most arrogant position is, "My religion is right for you." |
| #3407: | The opposite of religion is not atheism but existentialism, the theory that all meaning derives from what you can see and experience. |
| #3417: | The most important responsibility of gods and aliens is to not give people false hope. The locals have to work things out for themselves. |
| #3425: | Religion is what you need when your life is going nowhere due to your own bad decisions, because it's easier than change. |
| #3620: | If you mess with Elvis, you're messing with people's religion. |
| #3684: | Other Christians need to cut Mormons a break. Their religion isn't any more absurd than yours, just more efficient. |
| #3712: | Rule #1 of starting your own religion: Do it thousands of years ago. That way all the evidence is lost except what your followers convey. |
| #3734: | Law is not something perfect and pure handed down by God. It is a flawed set of rules... (One of my better essays:) http://j.mp/akktLV |
| #3757: | Religion. Simple answers for those who can't bear to leave childhood behind. |
| #3787: | Religion is the ultimate refuge of the narcissist: "God is there for ME." |